Dear Rachel,

I am the father of an 11 year old son who disrespects me all the time. He curses at me and yells at me….not sure what I did to make him treat me like this. Is this normal? What should I do?

Dear Sad Dad,

When we have children the first thing we think is oh how wonderful it will be to have a child that will love me, want me and respect me. We soon come to find out this isn’t always the case. Just like every other human being on this planet we have had to learn to love, to respect and to obey. Human nature is prone to be a survive by what ever means necessary reaction. So learning how to be loving, helpful, caring and obedient comes with practice. Trial and error.

With this in mind think about this….does a child learn to respect, love and obey on their own? No. This is not possible. For instance take a little girl in an orphanage from birth. She was taught nothing, only sat in a room all day with many other girls who knew just as much as she did. Would you expect her to know how to love, respect and obey? No she was not taught, she was not treated with love, was not shown respect; so there is no way she knows how to do this herself.

As parents we have this responsibility. Are we showing them what we are trying to teach them? Are we keeping them away from what we don’t want them to learn? Are we disciplining their bad behavior, in a loving Godly way? Are we consistent with this discipline? Are we explaining why bad behavior is not ok?

Dad your son was given to you by God to teach, love, guide, discipline, help and disciple. If your son is cursing at you find out why. Is it to get more attention? Does he need something and doesn’t know how else to get it? Is there there something going on in his life that is making him angry? Once you find out why give him tools that will help him control his tongue. Help him understand this is not a healthy response. Discipline him appropriately when he continues to disobey your requests. Be consistent with your discipline. If one method of discipline stops working try something else.

The book Raising Boys by James Dobson is a fantastic resource for raising Godly young men. Check it out! You can do this Sad Dad! Your son is worth the effort and consistency.

In Christ,

Rachel